Anthony did a bang-up job on Tuesday night's American Idol. Last week, when it looked as though Mr. Federov was dead-ov in the water, Simon suggested he sing every night as if it were his last. Anthony appeared to have taken Simon's advice.

Ryan kicked off the evening with a little reference to the scandal that has lately followed American Idol like weirdness follows Anna Nicole Smith. The multi-handed beast -- the audience -- applauded madly, showing its wholehearted support of AI, Ryan, Paula, and America. Simon and Randy canoodled with Paula. Paula looked vague.

This week's theme trekked the country: Nashville to Philly -- country sound and Philly sound. AI added to the drama inherent to tonight's show, due to all the looming Cory Clark-related scandal, by including little sappy clips from the contestants' families. Man. Watching those clips made ME homesick. And much of my family annoys me and lives only a stone's throw away.

Cute Carrie kicked off the night with a hopping rendition of the Dixie Chicks' "Sin Wagon." Carrie looked good. And she seemed pretty confident at the start. She belted it out and strutted her stuff, but by the end of the performance, Carrie looked tired.
Randy said, "You know who you are." (This comment lacks resonance with me because in one breath the judges say to a contestant, "Bravo, you know who you are." In the next, they say, "that just wasn't challenging. You need to take risks. Try something new.")
Paula looks vague and says, "Randy said it all."
Simon said dryly, "It would've been a shocker if you hadn't got that one right."

AlabamBo did a little ditty from the Travis Tritt notebook -- "Great Day to Be Alive." I didn't like this song on Bo. He seemed a little bored and distracted. Or maybe it's just me. Anyway, the attempt wasn't very entertaining, and it should have been. For a blissful second, I had auditory hallucinations of Bo tackling Steve Earle's "Copperhead Road" -- that is, until I thought about the lyrics. Hmmm. Maybe not so much. Bo hauled around the mic stand, much as he does each song, each week. I think it's very possible that Bo doesn't know how to take the mic from the stand. Bo, Bo -- there are people who can help with that.
Randy advised Bo that he's already in the dogpound. And that's supposed to be a good thing. No one in the Midwest knows why.
Paula said she loves Bo, but that he should picke something more challenging. (Let me advise the gentle reader to read the above paragraph for ironic parallels.)
Simon says bluntly, "That was boring." Hey, I don't always agree with Simon. But soooo often, he's right on the money.

Beautiful Vonzell was up next. Beforehand, AI flashed a clip of Baby V's brothers who are tough looking black belts. They threatened Simon. Simon should be afraid. Vonzell sang "How Do I Live?" which I would've thought might have been a good choice for her. She wore a strange orange dress. I was never sure what the pattern was. The lyrics as sung by Vonzell were a little garbled. I had the feeling she might have forgotten some of the words. Vonzell does sell a song though, and when she struggles to hit a high note, reaching, reaching, she ends up seizing it fiercely and flinging it at the listener.
Randy noted that V's delivery was a little rough. "Seemed too slow... In the end you brought it home."
Paula used her ultra powers of perception to note that Vonzell seemed upset. And hey, what do I know, but I do know that you don't ask a person who is on the verge of tears what's wrong unless you want to supply Puff's and a sympathetic ear. Of course, Vonzell cried.
Simon was notably sensitive. He said, "You looked and sounded incredibly nervous." And then he said he'd leave it with that.

Anthony started "I'm Already There" sitting Constantine-like on the edge of the stage. Hey, Anthony, it didn't work for Con! Anythony pulled it off the song off.
Randy gave Anthony props.
Paula suggested something more challenging.
Simon said, "You sang that well." But then he complained that the night felt a little like "Miss Universe... It felt -- ." Paula, surprisingly, provided the correct adverb -- "Syrupy."

Philly Time brought a few surprises.

Carrie sang "If You Don't Know Me By Now." It should have been good. I wanted it to be good. But it just didn't make it. And, at some point in the song, you could see the knowledge that it wasn't going well in Carrie's Oklahoma blues.
Randy said it didn't work.
Paula repeated what Randy said.
Simon said snippily, "That's about the best opp song ever written." And then he ruminated about what the cause of the problems and then blamed the band. I need a band to blame when things go wrong in my life. It would make things so much easier.

AlabamBo came out all primed to go -- pimpin' it in shades, black ensem, and a honkin' big collar sign belt buckle as he sang "For the Love of Money." I think a fedora with a big feather in it would have completed the outfit. Bo was singing, working it -- looking pimp-like -- when my local Fox station flashes the words "Sexual Predator" right underneath Bo. Naturally, I was a little taken aback. Apparently my local Fox station was thoughtfully warning viewers that a new sexual predator is at large in the area -- but -- given the sum of AI's problems lately, the warning seemed a little darkly amusing. Back to Bo. I wasn't crazy over the song. The judges were.
Randy wanted AlabamBo to record that song.
Paula hearted it.
Simon said briefly: "Terrible image. Fantastic performance."

Vonzell sang "Don't Leave Me This Way" and she looks great. It seemed mid-way that she was a little wimpy on some of the high notes, but a great, brave performance.
Randy opined, "You can definitely sing." (Really? You think?)
Paula repeated Randy's earlier comment about Vonzell, "You do take risks."
Simon said that Vonzell pulled out all the stops and seemed so near the edge it made him glad when the performance was over. He noted that this performance was better than her first one of the evening.

In a brash -- or cagey -- move, Anthony sang, "If You Don't Know Me" -- the song upon which Carrie earlier floundered. Anthony looked the best I've seen him -- and he sang as if it was his last night. He made the song personal, and you could tell he was feeling it. I mean, when someone sings "Never" five times, hey. C'mon. You know they're serious.
Randy said he thought Anthony did a much better job and that it reminded him of "Simply Red." Yo, Dawg! I agree!
Paula heard those five "nevers" and said she felt Anthony sang with conviction.
Simon snidely said, "You need soul to sing that song," and compared Anthony's rendition to Woody Allen playing the lead in shaft."

What I think:

Best performances of the evening -- in order:
AFed: "If You Don't Know Me"
V: "Don't Leave Me This Way

Worst:
Carrie: "If You Don't Know Me"
Bo: "Great Day to Be Alive"

Who'll Go Home:

Not too hard of a guess, but it'll probably be AFed.

Tuesday night, the intrepid Ryan Seacrest was apparently so full of goodwill now that he's a bonafide star (with his own star -- that people walk on -- but still ...) that he couldn't help but rip on visiting Clay Aiken, Constantine, Carrie, and Anwar, and give chick advice to Anthony. The theme for Tuesday night's American Idol was about as loose as the waistband of Scott Savol's jeans. American Idol contestants were given the task of choosing a song from the past five years, and contestants reacted by scrabbling together a hodgepodge of tunes -- from foot stomping country girl Carrie Underwood's "When God Fearin' Women Get The Blues" to Constantine Maroulis' sweaty "How You Remind Me."

Ryan Seacrest -- yes, Ryan, we know the show is all about you -- gleefully announced at show's beginning: "... We continue to CUT the contestants." Yes, you do, Ryan. But more on that later. Ryan was more evil tonight than usual, joking about Anwar's departure by saying he was teaching music again, showing little tykes how to scream by wearing too-tight jeans? What? Did I get that right? Stupid, and childish. Ryan announced the theme -- "Songs since the Millennium" -- and even Ryan seemed to think it stank of lame.

Niftily, AI featured contestants' hometowns and families. Carrie, from Checotah, Oklahoma (I've BEEN there, can you believe it?) apparently feeds the cows, sings to the cows, loves the cows. Carrie's mother is beautiful. She cried as she talked about how great a daughter Carrie is. Carrie kicked the fun night off with a lively country Barbiegirl "When God Fearin' Women Get the Blues." I liked it. At first. Toward the end of the song, Carrie seemed to be losing concentration. Carrie looked great -- shining blonde hair all straight and modern. Her clothes were good for the song -- loved the old-fashioned Western shirt. She moved more than usual, and I think it's a good thing she's ditched the high heels as she doesn't seem to handle them well. Randy, who tonight managed to dole out advice like the musical Ann Landers, liked her country roots (frankly I didn't notice them... I thought her colorist did a great job), but he did notice that she was just under pitch throughout the song. Paula, coherent and helpful tonight, said she felt Carrie had chosen a song that threw away her "good vocals." Simon sneered, "I don't understand this kind of music." (Audience boos. Bad Simon. Evil Simon. Look, he's thinking of tying our beloved Carrie to the railroad tracks! Hissss!!!!) He explained that, after all, he IS British (Oh, yeah. Just because you guys had the Beatles.), and concluded that her fans will love the performance. Ryan, in an aside to Carrie, asks her how she manages to remember the words. Since she's actually forgotten the words to a few songs and made up her own, that was a little ouchy there, Ryan. Careful, your black heart is showing.

Ryan greets Clay Aiken who sits a little ill at ease in the audience. Maybe he knows Ryan has it in for him. Ryan says something about Clay not wearing socks and kids him with, a jibe about coming in second not hurting his record sales. I don't know. Smacks a little of nasty, Ryan.

Facts gleaned from Bo Bice's segment: He's from Helena, GA. Bo has many guitars. Bo loves his family, his girlfriend, and his mother. Bo no longer headbangs because it hurts. Bo comes out to perform and I'm not liking the hippy look. He's grown a beard, he's wearing sunglasses, and some kind of funky poncho thing that should be put out to pasture as a table cloth at Carrie's farm. He sings "I Don't Wanna Be" and, well, I don't wanna be snippy, but I didn't like it that much. The song wasn't very demanding vocally. I know Bo can do better. Randy tried to say something pithy but was screamed down by Bo's fans. Alabama people are an enthusiastic lot. Eventually, he was able to say glowingly that he loves Bo's honesty and that he's a true rock star. Paula agreed. Simon noted that Bo has his confidence back, and his performance was the best so far (okay, when you're second performing, that just doesn't mean as much as when you're last). Simon, however, was not down with Bo's sunglasses.

Ryan, while preparing to segue into something meaningful, sat on an audience member's thigh. Is Ryan channelling his inner lap dancer? Stay tuned.

Meanwhile, we learn that Vonzell, from Fort Myers, FL, kicked karate butt back in the day, has two brothers, and was a postal worker. She would be one postal worker you wouldn't want to make petulant. Vonzell takes the stage looking as gorgeous as usual. She sings Christina Aguilera's torchy "I Turn to You," and straight away, I notice some difficulty with the runs and trills. At times, she loses control of her voice, like a person trying to dribble a basketball with their hands are all slathered in Crisco. Randy says, "Yo, man," once again proving that he is orally fixated. And, referring to his notes from last week, he once again welcomes Vonzell to the dogpound. Again, I am left wondering about the ramifications of this comment. Yes, I recognize this phrase as pseudo street talk, but, deep in its core meaning I want to know: Is it a compliment? Is there a hidden meaning? Analogy? Humor? Has Randy ever seen a dogpound? Paula, being motherly, says she was "a little nervous" when she heard V was going to sing this song. "Christina is Christina." Yes, that's so true. So true. Christina sure isn't Nancy Delucha from down the street. Paula continues by saying that V "turned on the magic." Simon said sourly, "I have a horrible feeling that wasn't as good as you think." You're right, Simon. Simon IS Simon.

Heather Locklear and her adorable daughters are in the audience. At least one daughter is a big fan of Anthony's. There you go, Anthony. Your fan base.

Anthony is from Trevese, PA. Very sweet family film -- his father recorded Anthony's first lisping attempts at a song. Anthony, channeling his inner diva, sings Celine Dion's torchy "I Surrender." He starts off the song perched Constantine-like on the edge of the stage. He looks natty -- all decked out in a pin-striped suit. He sang the song well -- he was sharp at the end, though, almost jarringly so. At one high note, the audience reacted with applause. Randy exclaimed wittily, "Yo, dawg!" And then told Anthony that he started off rough, but his high notes were good. Paula thought this was one of Anthony's best performances. Simon said he hated Anthony's performance, but Anthony's fans would like it. Ryan pointed out that Anthony is working out two times a day in the gym, then, when Anthony murmured that Ryan was embarrassing him, Ryan said, "I'm not embarrassing you. Chicks love this." Thank you, Ryan, for the advice on chicks. I'll bet men everywhere were looking for a notepad to take down that advice. America needs you.

Constantine, from New York, hails from a "traditional, Orthodox Greek family." His mother says that Con was a good baby, but a "pain in the neck" as a teenager. His brother says, "He has no fear." Con sings Nickelback's (one of my favorite Nickelback tunes) "How You Remind Me." He's dressed in black with chains and bindings around his wrists. Nice, edgy look. He is all over the stage and obviously vibing to the song with all its barely submerged anger. He seeks out the camera as if it were his heart's beloved. He smiles naughtily when he gets to the lyric, "Living with me must have damn near killed you." Girls swooned, but nice Greek grandmas everywhere changed their votes to Carrie Underwood ("At least that nice Carrie Underwood didn't use curse words!") Con doesn't make a wrong move and ends his song in a perfectly synchronized orgy of violence. Randy said that he was happy Con has so many female fans, but that Con is "high on performance, low on vocals." Paula, again echoing Randy, said she thought Con's performance was amazing. Simon reminds Con that he's crossed over to the other side -- the light side -- and that Con's was a bad imitation of the original. After all that abuse, Ryan tells Con that he's the second Clay Aiken. Con, usually tolerant of the criticism, says sarcastically, "Interesting." Ryan simultaneously gouges both Con and Clay.

Scott is from Shaker Heights, Ohio. His mother says that Scott is the "sensitive" one in the family. She's proud of his persistence and describes him as the "Average Joe," which seems odd for a mother. My mother thought I was a goddess. At least, most of the time. Scott sings "Dance With My Father." He looks nice -- pinstripe jacket, but his song features mostly flats. They are abundant. Like a lawn full of dandelions. Only dandelions are at least colorful. Randy told him that this was his weakest performance. Paula, said something. Simon said, "I'd pack your suitcase tonight."

Summary: Top 3 -- Bo, Constantine, Vonzell
Who will go: It should be Scott, but, sadly, could be Vonzell

The dashing Anwar Robinson, hailed repeatedly by American Idol judges as being "technically the best singer on the show," was sent packing Wednesday night.

The show kicked off with All About Ryan asking Bo: "What's it like being famous?" Bo squirmed -- note to body language experts -- and said he didn't have his star in the Hollywood Walk of Fame. That question segued into the great and moving moments of Ryan, Ryan, and Ryan. I'm sure this was one of the most stirring moments in Ryan's black little life, but it was overlong, and just shows what I've always suspected and Ryan's always known: It really IS all about Ryan.

Ryan pretended surprise and humility and stumbled around ingratiatingly for words. He introduced the upcoming (usually dreaded) group song and invited the audience to "Celebrate them as a group." The group sang You Can Shine which was written especially for them by composer John Farrar (think Grease and Olivia Newton-John boogies down). The group's performance was a little lame, but not as bad as usual. I enjoyed seeing Bo and Carrie strumming away on guitars. Anwar, though a music teacher, seemed to have a hard time faking an authentic keyboard performance.

The Ford commercial was great. Rock This Town -- and a 1950's diner populated with Idol contestants. Constantine and Carrie looked particularly snazzy as cartoon characters from the 1950's.

As usual, the elimination portion was cruel. Ryan, giggling madly to himself, I'm sure, first moved pretty Vonzell to the "far side," and doll-like Anthony (was he wearing blush tonight? He looked a little like Raggedy Andy) to the "near side." Ryan proceeded to divide the contestants -- Constantine and Carrie to the side with Vonzell, Scott and Anwar to the side with Anthony.

Then, in a perfectly horrible move, he told Bo Bice that he was safe and asked him to join the side he believed was the "top." Bo, wisely, chose the middle, between the two groups.

When Ryan announced that Anthony, Scott, and Anwar were the lowest three, Anthony stuck out his lip in an absurd pouty face.

Ryan asked Paula who she thought should depart the show. Paula blamed the audience again, saying she didn't know why the audience votes the way it does.

Two minutes before show's end, Ryan broke the news to Anwar.

Though Anwar has been off his game in the past several weeks, he displayed style and talent. Good luck to him.

Two Reviewers:

Lori


Tonight, long-haired rocker Bo Bice managed to convey passion and sincere emotion in a venue that has little of either.

The American Idol contestant's mission tonight? Ryan Seacrest -- who deep in his black little heart believes that the show is really all about him -- quickly hinted and then announced (to avoid any really stupid guesses about the theme -- like the one Anwar pulled off last week: "Nursery rhymes?" Uh. No.) that this week's theme is disco.

My favorite -- Constantine Maroulis -- took the stage first. He seemed to be chaneling John Travolta, as he was dressed in "Saturday Night Fever" black and white. (Was Constantine wearing mascara -- because I think he was. Not that there's anything wrong with that.) Con sang "Nights On Broadway." Not a great song. Not even in the day. But Con was relaxed and comfortable on stage and performed like the pro he is. Randy thought the song was a good choice. He said he doesn't think Constantine was original. Which is ironic, because the judges have been applauding Con's theatrical skills in past weeks. I really don't think they know what they want. Paula, who was actually able to string words and even sentences together tonight, disagreed with Randy. She said what Con's fans were also saying, "Everything about you... is 'Oh, my God.'" Simon said, "You're on a roll," and then countered with, "I think this performance is akin to a waiter in a ghastly Spanish nightclub." OW. Con thanked him for the pain and told All About Ryan that the Idol contestants are a big happy family. Hmmm.

Carrie sang "MacArthur Park." I love that song when Donna Summer sings it. I don't care that the lyrics are no doubt incomprehensible even to its creator, Jimmy Webb. The song rocks my world. BUT, when Carrie belted it out (and belt she did) in good ol' country Barbie girl style, I thought, "Geez. Now that's a strange thing to say. What's up with the cake?" It didn't help that Carrie also seemed confused by the lyrics. Carrie sang beautifully, but looked appalling. Big hair, paired with disco earrings and some kind of beaded dress that did not scream disco to me (and I lived through this days and have the rhinestone scars to prove it) did not flatter Miss Underwood. Her stage presence was disastrous -- she tottered around on too-high heels -- from one end of the stage to the other -- obviously afraid to let loose and dance. Randy welcomed her to the dogpound. Uh, Randy. Is that a compliment? Because dogpounds to me are bad places where good dogs die. Paula bravo-ed Carrie. Simon liked Carrie's singing, but didn't like her look. The audience boo-ed. The audience is becoming almost Paula-like in its predictability and determined rejection of truth.

Scott Savol -- who I really can't bear another week -- actually performed well. He sang "Everlasting Love" -- a very good song for him. He has some strange quirky gestures, like chest tapping. Ugh. Who knows what's that about. Caveman for, "Leave me alone, or I'll smack you with my cell phone" maybe. Randy said it was "hot." Paula admits Scott has "a knack." and Simon, getting even for Scott's snippy little reaction last week about doing something that millions of other people in America don't have the courage to, said, "The audience is behind you because you're an ordinary guy." He went on to say that ordinary guys can get up and sing every bit as well in karaoke contests. Harsh. But, well, so true. Scott may have learned to curb his surly side from last week's comment and trip to the basement Wednesday night. He put a cheery smile on his face and God blessed everyone.

From the audience, tonight celebrity guest was Alex Trebec, who made some Jeopardy joke. I wish he'd grow his moustache back. I've never loved Alex since he shaved.

Anthony who I don't usually enjoy, sang "Don't Take Away the Music." Very nice! Before he sang, in an audio clip, he told the audience in his slightly accented voice, "I want to shake my bootay." So, I thought, great. Anthony's going to shake his bootay. This IS disco night, right? Nope. Anthony looked good in his red shirt, but I'm so tired of the Anthony jeans deal. But he didn't dance, though he stumbled once. He looks like a marionette on stage. His movements are so tightly wound. Randy was okay with his performance. Paula liked the song. Simon said it was "pleasant, safe, and a little insipid." INSIPID! That's IT! I love you, Simon. Even if you are the villain of American Idol.

Vonzell, with her beautiful, winning smile, sang "I'm Every Woman." She looked great, but her backup singers were a little loud. Sometimes I couldn't tell if they were singing, or if she was. She flatted the final note. Ugh. Randy, in his pseudo street talk, said, "Yo, yo. What's up, man?" Randy calls everyone 'man.' No one knows why, but I'll bet he's also orally fixated. Randy pointed out that the song had the highest degree of difficulty thus far (not his words). Paula said something. Simon said he didn't think Vonzell's voice was so much, but her personality carried her through.

Anwar sang "September," and I think it was a very bad choice for him. He looked great -- more conservative than in past weeks -- which gives everyone a chance to actually see what a handsome guy he is. But his voice. Well, the judges keep saying he's technically "the best singer" in the competition. I'd beg to differ. He struggles mightily with his lower notes, and in the first chorus, he looked for the melody like a blind man trying to catch guppies in a shark tank. He did bust a groove tonight. He was all over the stage, and, while it wasn't particularly pretty, it was nice to see him loosen up. Randy said Anwar's voice seemed a little pitchy. Paula gushed, "Awesome!" and said Anwar threw "all caution to the wind" like she thought this was a good thing. Simon said he doesn't think Anwar performed as well as Paula thought, but he did say Anwar's ending was nice.

Ryan brought up Paula's embarrassing past by saying that maybe she recognized Anwar's moves from the "Cold Hearted Snake" video. I remember that video. Remember and weep.

Bo was last. Amazing. He sang "Vehicle," and I felt like I was on a ride. Bo's interpretation of this classic was authentic, moving, and sincere -- completely lacking in theater (not that there's anything wrong with theater.) If Bo were to put out a CD, I would buy it. I would WANT to buy it. Of all the contestants that remain, he's the only one I can sincerely say that about. Randy said he could imagine recording one of Bo's songs (he's a producer, in case you didn't know). Paula exclaimed happily, "The competition's back on!" Simon said, in his own authentic way, that Bo's was the only "authentically good" performance of the night.

Hannah

What is up with Ryan? Must he play the blame game? I can only take so much, you know. He mocks and torments me with, Do you miss Nadia? (Sure we do!) It's your freakin fault she's gone!

Constantine --Did Simon actually say that Constantine reminded h im of a "ghastly Spanish nightclub singer"? Since when is Maroulis a Spanish name? Is he confusing it with Morales? Frankly, Constantine can sing at my proverbial nightclub any time he wants. Did Constantine sing? I'm sorry I was picturing our future children. Anyway his singing was 'excellente.'

Carrie -- Someone confused their eras. Someone thought it was Dolly Parton hair night. With all Carrie's headshaking, not a hair out of place. That had to take a lot of hairspray...like I think she put another hole in our ozone. Singing was alright not great. Carrie, at least TRY to dance to the beat and not just wallow around like a beached whale (not that I'm calling you fat). What is up with the 'dog pound' analogies? Who would want to be admitted to a place where if you don't get picked in a week you DIE? Wow. I wonder if Randy knows how DEEP that is. I'm going to guess not.

Scott --Scott pounds on his chest. What is that? "Me, Tarzan?" Scott is apparently too cool to wear anything that requires effort or resembles fit. He did the best he has ever done. Which, surprisingly, is still not that good.

Anthony -- Umm, I know you like your torn jeans, but c'mon. Change it up and don't wear the predictable, I-just-worked-in-the-field-for-three-days-straight-and-I'm-a-bad-boy jeans. Anthony's singing tonight is all right. He flailed his arms once again in a desperate attempt to be cool.

Vonzell -- After Vonzell sang, "I'm Every Woman," Randy Jackson can still not refrain from calling Vonzell "man." I wish all women looked that "natural." Great job with the vocals.

Anwar -- Of course, the "Love in September" is code for "Why can't I sing?" Anwar just can't hit those low notes. I think he should be hypnotized. I hear that works well. I wonder if I could be hypnotized to sing at all.

Bo -- Ummm... WOW! I wish I had Bo's hair! Bo's singing is, in one word, awesome. If his CD comes out, I'll be the first to buy it. I loved his interpretation of this classic song--frankly he makes me drool.

More tomorrow night.